The key to change in your life — and really, the key to satisfaction as well — is self-knowledge. Take some time to go over and record the moments that reflect problems you’re dealing with, as well as the moments that are typically “you.” The idea is to see patterns emerge. These patterns will be the grist for your analytical mill in the next stage.

2. Analysis

Look at your inventory of “totally you” moments — what do they say about who you are? Now, who do you want to be? What’s meaningful for you, what values do you want to realize in your daily life?

3. Intention

At this point, it’s time to think about change: what do you intend to do about all this? The trick here is to be positive, not negative. It’s important that you find the motivation and intention within yourself if you’re to make real change that sticks. Doing things because you know others think they’re what you should do, or worse, to “show them,” might get a short-term shift out of you, but over the long term isn’t likely to be very satisfying — or self-sustaining.